No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
