You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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