Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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