All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize