I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
