Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
