hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
