if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
found the other keg... it's in the tree
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
