dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
