her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
