Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
