My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
