oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize