I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
