wanna go halves on a baby?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
