I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
