I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
