Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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