i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
