I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
