Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
