You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Watching her eat just hurts me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
