the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
