I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize