No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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