Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
