She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize