I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
