Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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