My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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