Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
