I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
