is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
