Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can I color on your dick again?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
