Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
