I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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