It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
