You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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