using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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