i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no you cant smoke seaweed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
