Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
