i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize