I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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