I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want to be your penis for a week.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
