Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
