mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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