You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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