so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
