i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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