there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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