Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize