I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I just put wine in my tea
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
