just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
