Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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