I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
