So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
