she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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