She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize