i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
