so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
