i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
