The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
