Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
