Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
