Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
