He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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