Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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